were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
