Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
