you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
