Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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