im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
