With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
