There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
