I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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