I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
