He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize