i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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