remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
