i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
