oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
