One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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