hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize