Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
