Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My penis needs a shock collar
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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