your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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