You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
