I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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