Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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