I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Congratulations! We have a period
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