He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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