You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
