i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
