i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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