Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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