...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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