Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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