Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
