I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
