i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize