You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
