The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
