he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
