it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
