Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
