she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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