a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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