They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
