Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He? As in you personified your dick?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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