I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
