The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
