you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
