look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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