i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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