Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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