oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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