yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
