I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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