Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
