Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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