just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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