Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize