the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize