I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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