your room smells of hookers.
And success
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
