Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There's always time for handjobs
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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