I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
