He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
