Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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