I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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