I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
