So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
