I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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