you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
