I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
