my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
