apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
